sometimes i wonder if i’ll ever stop striving. it seems that each time ive reached something id once dreamed about, hoped for, sacrificed time and energy to reach, i have another list of wants just waiting for me. each of their little arms struggling towards the light of manifestation.
im sitting in a cafe in kathmandu. there’s some weird club music pounding in my ear giving me all kinds of anxiety. what is up with that? it’s 2:30pm.
oh – just got up the courage to ask the cafe owner to change it to something a little more calm and he put “water sounds” in his youtube and now it feels like im sitting in a tranquil spa.
i guess i did something i regret last night. ive been trying to stem feelings of regret, ive been trying to learn to be kinder to myself, but it is so so so so hard. the root of this kindness is letting go of the idea of free will.
letting go of the idea of free will.
i choose to believe that everything happens because it must happen that way.
a few things …
i’m going to post this now even though it isn’t finished. maybe i’ll come back and finish that trail of thoughts.
all i know is that im feeling better now, even though im still tired. and life is exciting. how wonderful it is to have anticipation. it means that, even if you dont know that good things are coming, you can imagine that they are.
with love, oh with love, with love love love,
gg
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